To Tame the Perilous Lawn

     Here in Lakeview, where the lots are tight and everyone parks on the street (even though we all have driveways), landscaping is paramount. The people of the Lakeview sub-sub-division take pride in their yards. To truly understand and appreciate all the hard work of the residents of our great neighborhood, one must first understand the magnitude of our responsibility. Just to put it into perspective, the smallest yard is an inconceivably enormous 3 square yards. Wow. Don't adjust your monitor, I really did type 3 square yards. That's as big as the average walk-in closet. And, the yardage only grows exponentially from there...up to 5.
     As I expect, most of you are beginning to feel a great deal of respect for us, as we are the ones appointed to tame this "wilderness of a yard" week after week. For instance, I cut the grass 2 weeks ago. To do so, I had to set aside an entire 13 minutes of a Saturday to sufficiently mow the 3.5 square yards of grass we have. Let me just tell you that it was a herculean task that I thought would never end.
     Before you give Alice and I all the credit for our efforts, we MUST thank our coaches; the great and omnipotent Home Owners Association. When we lose our focus, they reel us back in with the use of eloquent, over thought out letters and empty threats. But don't worry about us. We will persevere. In all honesty, though, as strict as they may be, they really do keep our neighborhood looking neatly groomed. Now, if they could just take care of that gold car in front of our house...
     Well, that does it for this blog update. Thanks for tuning in. Trust me, the next update will have even less sarcasm.

- Andrew